Again, Blow The Horn for My Second-Born!, by Natalie A. Francisco
Question Session II: (What Do Women Really Want to Know?)
6. My confidence was stripped away as a result of going through a period of affliction. How can my confidence be restored?
a. Learn to appreciate who God has made you to be and how He has kept you despite the hard times that you endured. Thank Him daily in your prayer time for allowing you to courageously reclaim your confidence and self-worth, which He originally gave to you.
b. Confess over your life scriptures that will build up your self-esteem such as: Psalm 139:13-18; II Corinthians 3:4-5 & 7:3,16; Ephesians 1:10-12 & 3:12-13; Colossians 1:4; Hebrews 3:14; 6:12, 10:22-23 & 35; II Peter 3:14; I John 2:28, 3:21 & 5:14.c. Some practical things you can do to restore your confidence would be to:
1. Consider spicing up your wardrobe according to your budget so that your clothes, shoes
and accessories reflect the confident woman you desire to be. Consult with someone whose fashion sense you admire for tips you can use.
2. If you so desire, try wearing your hair a different way to show off the new you. Hair
stylists nowadays can work wonders!
3. Consider getting a manicure or pedicure as a special treat if you can afford to do so.
4. Speak clearly and confidently while giving direct eye contact to those with whom you
share conversation. Look for new ways to network and meet new potential friends, business acquaintances, and people with whom you can share the simplicity of salvation in
Christ as the opportunity presents itself.
5. Be mindful of your posture when sitting, standing, and walking. Confidence is also
exuded when shoulders are held back and the spine is erect.
6. Surround yourself with a circle of people who possess the confidence you aspire to have
and learn from them.
7. Learn to dedicate a portion of your time either daily, weekly or monthly to show how
much you love and value yourself by scheduling "alone pampering perks" according to your financial ability to do so (i.e., visiting a day spa for a body massage and/or facial, taking yourself to dinner and/or a movie, going to the park or by a lake to read a book, going on an actual or a "wannabe" shopping spree, traveling to another city or state for a weekend hotel stay, etc.)
8. How can I have a better relationship with my daughters, and how can I effectively discipline and communicate with them?
a. Children are God's reward to us, given for the purpose of teaching them to follow after His ways and purpose for their lives for His glory. We are to be good stewards of our children, for they are only given to us for a short time before they grow up and begin to live their own lives. When something is given to us as a reward, we cherish it, care for it and boast to others about it. In like manner, we should do the same with our children (Psalm 127). b. Some ideas you can possibly use to have a better relationship with your daughters as you seek to effectively discipline and communicate with them are:
1. Make yourself available and accessible to them whenever they need to talk about their
day, share their feelings, or ask questions that you would rather answer than someone else.
2. Do not be critical (unless you are giving constructive criticism) and judgmental in your
conversations with and body language toward them as it may cause a wall between you,
prohibiting open and honest communication.
3. Provide an environment of love, family fun, safety, structure, stability and peace as much
as possible to express and reinforce your care and concern for them, as well as to set an
example of the environment they need to provide for their children.
4. Schedule special mother-daughter dates with each of your daughters by allowing them
to skip a day of school and spend it with you (if their grades allow) talking about whatever
is on their mind at a favorite breakfast or lunch spot. Afterward, go to a movie, visit a museum or spend the day playing in the park or shopping in the mall.
5. Spanking is not the only way to discipline children. Use age appropriate forms of
discipline that are most effective according to the personality and disposition of each of
your daughters. For example, if one of your daughters is extremely tech savvy and needs
to be disciplined for doing something contrary to the values you have taught her, take away
her cell phone, computer (with the exception of homework usage with supervision), Ipod,
Play Station 2 or X Box for a period of time that suits the infraction committed. If your
daughters are older and are driving, try suspending car privileges and taking away extra- curricular activities for a realistic period of time until expectations are met or trust is restored.
6. Never discipline your daughters when you feel angry, frustrated or fatigued. Instead,
choose a suitable time when you are in control of your emotions, focused upon the issue at
hand and ready to share the appropriate measure of discipline to be administered. Remember to address and express your disapproval of the unacceptable behavior rather than the personhood of your daughters in order to preserve their self-esteem and selfimage.
7. Discipline can also be used in a constructive manner to teach valuable life lessons. For
example, give your daughters weekly chores that must be completed by them, such as
cleaning their room, taking out the trash and recyclable materials, cleaning the kitchen,
washing and ironing their own clothes, fixing their lunches for school, etc. Do not always
attach a monetary value or allowance to everything that needs to be done so that they
can grow up with a strong work ethic rather than a "the world owes me" mentality.
8. How can I let my hair down and still be a godly example for my children?
a. Let your children see, experience and relate to your lighter side. For instance, don't use every available moment to talk about church and spiritual matters. Talk about things that are age-appropriately important to them and you in an atmosphere of fun and laughter.
b. Allow your children to spend special one-on-one time with you as well as family time so that they feel unique and special to you. Do something adventurous and spontaneous ever so often to surprise them.c. Let your children know that you also need some "mommy time" every now and then doing wholesome and fun things that you enjoy, but that it does not diminish your love for them in any way when you choose to schedule those times. Let your children know in advance when those times will be and if they are underage, provide the appropriate adult supervision while you are away.d. Make sure that the places you go and the things you do are aligned with the values you teach and the example you desire to set before your children, so that they are not confused by what can be perceived as a double standard.e. Create memorable moments for the future by doing small but meaningful things to establish family traditions, such as having a weekly pizza or game night.
9. I want to tell my oldest son of his natural birth mother and my husband and I are not in agreement because he feels he is not mature enough to handle it, and that he may rebel in some way. We both love him very much as if he were our birth son, and want to protect him. How do I hear from God and allow Him to direct our path on this so that we share this news with our son preferably before he goes to college, but in God's timing rather than my husband's or my own?
a. Meditate on Ephesians 6:1-4 (I suggest using the Amplified Version) as you and your husband seek to be in one accord in the rearing of your children.
b. Given your question, please consider utilizing the following suggestions:
1. Communicate clearly, honestly, and tenderly with your husband as to how both of you can
come into agreement by praying and trusting God to reveal to both of you the right age,
time, and opportunity to share with your son about his adoptive parents for his own
information so that the news will not come as an element of surprise if he finds out about it
from another source.
2. Consider consulting a Christian family psychologist or counselor to talk about the issue at hand and your opposing points of view, with the objective of devising a strategy regarding sharing this information with your son in a way and at a time that is best suited for his maturity level. Discuss openly the pros and cons of sharing the information with the psychologist and ask about the possible ramifications as a result of either decision. One or more sessions should be scheduled individually if need be as well as together so that each of you can share your perspectives honestly with the psychologist or counselor.
3. Be open and sensitive to how God speaks to your husband as well as to you in order to
bring resolution to this important issue.
4. How can I help my son become more disciplined when I have given legal custodial rights to his adoptive parents? My son is not responding favorably to the discipline techniques his adoptive parents have tried (including boarding school) and are currently attempting (that being military school). They are quite frustrated but apprehensive about sending him to live with my husband and me although he has asked and we are willing.
a. Continually commit this situation to God in prayer in search and anticipation of His intervention. The Message Bible translation of Proverbs 21:1-3 says: "Good leadership is a channel of water controlled by God; he directs it to whatever ends he chooses. We justify our actions by appearances; God examines our motives. Clean living before God and justice with our neighbors mean far more to God than religious performance." The same biblical translation of Proverbs 29:17 gives encouragement as well: "Discipline your children; you'll be glad you did - they'll turn out delightful to live with."
b. Work toward improving the communication and relationship between both sets of parents in a consistent manner to establish neutral ground by:
1. Spending time together having dinner or attending an activity that all of you would enjoy and add this as a bi-weekly or monthly priority (as you deem necessary) to build camaraderie between you.
2. Seeking permission and participation from each other in order to do what is in the best interest of your son in terms of constructive disciplinary methods that will be effective.
3. Agreeing to create a safe environment free of intimidation, suspicion or distrust amongst
each other so that all of you are open to discussing disciplinary methods that have not worked and why; corrective disciplinary measures all of you can use during your time spent with him; expectations of the behavior that is considered acceptable; as well as the consequences that will ensue as a result of his unwise choices.
4. Include your son in your conversations together when appropriate so that he sees and experiences a united front and learns to appreciate the fact that all of you love and desire the best for him, and will do what is necessary to ensure that his behavior is acceptable and that you follow through with the consequences for noncompliance. Continue to emphasize that all of you are a family and that you should all be on the same page.
5. Consult legal advice if necessary to ascertain their expertise and utilize it accordingly.
|
|
Comments |  RSS |
|
| |||||
|
| |||||
