We Are Gifted Women of God: Advice from a Senior Pastor's Wife on Overcoming Stress, Fulfilling Your Call, and Finding Time for Family
by Lois Evans
February 22, 2009
If you're one of the many senior pastors' wives in America, you can probably relate to the struggle of serving God, supporting your spouse, caring for your family, and possibly even working outside of the home.
To offer you a breath of fresh air in the midst of a turbulent sea of to-dos, Reflections sat down with Lois Evans, wife of Senior Pastor Tony Evans of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas. She is also the senior vice president of Urban Alternative, founder of The First Lady Ministry, and president of the Global Pastors' Wives Network.Q: What is the most common concern pastors' wives present to you?
Mrs. Evans: They often come to me in need of help to understand what they're called to do and how they can be equipped to fulfill that calling. That's why I started The First Lady Conference for senior pastors' wives. We deal with time management, stress management, how to pinpoint your call, how to process through your call, and family and health issues.
Q: What is the largest obstacle you face as a senior pastor's wife? How do you address it?
Mrs. Evans: Expectations that are sometimes beyond my call or my time allocation. I answer people with as much grace as God can give to let them know in a gracious way that I can't and why I can't meet a particular expectation. Right now, it's my grandchildren - I have an obligation to my family.
This is why we're called to equip the saints. Learn the gift of delegation. Stay in your gifted area and then train the saints to do the work of the ministry. You may be in a church where you and your husband are doing everything in the church. But in the process of doing everything, keep the mindset of training the saints.
In 1 Corinthians 12 it talks about the gifting of the body. We are gifted women of God who are married to pastors. God has gifted us before the foundation of the world, predestined us to do a particular thing or two or three. Things can get frustrating when a pastor's wife tries to fit the role of the last pastor's wife or the ideal role that has been passed down culturally in the church. You need to be who God has gifted you to be.
Q: What helps you balance your roles in your family and church?
Mrs. Evans: What keeps me balanced is my husband, Tony. We've always been good friends. We can be open and honest with each other - that's important in a pastor/wife relationship. As the pastor and husband, a man needs to hear his wife's heart, not what the members might be saying.
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