Christian Author Learns to Forgive, Put Future in God's Hands

Sheila Walsh has been a successful Christian recording artist, author and speaker for decades. She's been the co-host of "The 700 Club," and these days, as a member of Women of Faith, she speaks to half a million women every year.

But two years ago, her world was smashed when she discovered her husband had nearly incinerated their finances and kept it a secret from her. Instead of hanging on to what was left, Walsh said, she had to learn to let go so that God could work.

The story is part of her newest book, "Let Go: Live Free of the Burdens All Women Know." The lessons are particularly relevant now, as others face similar financial disasters and fears.

Walsh, 52, is a native of Scotland and is married to Barry, 45. They have a 12-year-old son, Christian. She sat down with The Bee earlier this year at the Christian Book Expo in Dallas. She talked candidly about childhood scars, her fears and faith, her fight with depression and the beauty of a family restored to health by God.

Q: Your father died when you were only 5 years old. How did that happen?

A: He had a massive brain aneurysm. He was in intensive care for some time and then when he came home, he began to have, what's called in laymen's terms, brainstorms. He became very violent. And so he was taken off to a psychiatric hospital, where he died. He was 34. My mom was 33. I never went to the funeral. I never knew where my father was buried.

All I remember of the night my father was taken away was the tremendous secrecy. It was a very turbulent night. My father had brought his cane down on my skull. Mother had locked me in a room and sent for the doctor. The ambulance arrived with two doctors to sign the committal papers and two ambulance drivers, and it took them some time to subdue my father. So I was in a room and all I heard was noise, horrible noise. And then we never mentioned it again, never.

Q: You didn't go to the funeral?

A: No. You don't take children to funerals in Scotland, and all that happened is that all the photographs of my father were taken down and put away somewhere and we never mentioned him again. There was just something understood in a nonspoken way in our family that there are certain things you don't talk about it. And if the children appear to be doing fine, then you assume they are doing fine.

It's interesting because my son, Christian, was the exact same age as I was when his (paternal) grandfather died. William lived with us for three years after his wife died. On the night he collapsed, I called 911. Christian was downstairs, and I told him, "Sweetie, just wait downstairs." But I suddenly looked up and Christian was standing at the door looking at his grandfather on the floor.

He said, "What's happened?"

I said, "Your Papa's not feeling good, but we're getting some help."

He said, "Can I help?"

And I said, "Yes, you can help. Get a wet rag and some cold water and sit beside your papa and put it on his forehead."

It was very interesting to watch how Christian processed that event because he was part of it. He watched as the (emergency technicians) revived William, brought him back to life and then lost him and brought him back to life again, and then Christian and I followed the ambulance. It just seemed so much healthier to me. He was able to be part. There's something about mystery, about not knowing that's terrible.

Q: Growing up in Scotland in those days, was it difficult for your mother to make a living and raise children?

A: Very difficult. She got what was called a widow's pension that she got from the government. My sister and brother and I were the only three children at our school who got free school meals and free school uniforms.

Q: So you always grew up a little different, didn't you?

A: Yes. Always. I felt it acutely. It was one of the reasons that when I became a Christian at 11, I felt as if I had suddenly been given a reason to live. But I came with a lot of baggage. I thought, now that I have a second chance with a father, I'm going to make sure this one doesn't hate me, too. I'm going to be the perfect Christian so he doesn't throw me away like my earthly father. Because the last time I was with my dad, it was terrifying.

Q: How did you become a Christian?

A: We went to church as often as it was opened, but when I was 11, my mom took me to hear Scotland's only gospel group, The Heralds. At the end, they said, God has no grandchildren; he only has sons and daughters. It really hit me. I didn't go forward that night, but when we got home, I asked my mom if she would pray with me in my bedroom and she led me to a relationship with Christ.

Q: She had her own faith?

A: Oh, a very deep faith.

Q: What about your siblings?

A: The night that my father died, she's told me since, my mother prayed two prayers. One, that she would be spared to see us all grown and independent, and two, that we would all find Christ at an early age. And we did. I was 11, my sister was 12 and my brother was 10.

Q: In your book, you talk about God making your path straight, "not without bumps or curves, but leading me home, no matter how crooked it looks." How does your path look at the moment?

A: That's a very interesting question. We just had our first Women of Faith conference last weekend in Kansas City. This is my 13th year with Women of Faith. Every year, I get tremendously nervous. I still have the feeling that I don't have enough (to give). I always feel like the (biblical) little boy with the loaves and fishes, and that I've under-catered one more time. But somehow this year, I feel completely different, and actually said to our audience in Kansas City, "I usually get a fever blister at the beginning of the year and an upset stomach. This year, I couldn't wait to get up and share what God has been doing in my life."

Q: Why?

A: 'Cause two years ago, I was in such a place of complete despair and couldn't believe how God was going to deliver us as a family. It's really where the rubber hits the road when you see no way out of a situation that seems very bleak. That's how I start my book: I woke up one Sunday and as I looked in the mirror I hear powerfully in my spirit, God saying, "I will deliver you." That was all. Not how or when, but just, "I will deliver you." It took me another three or four months to come to the place where I had to realize I had to stop delivering myself, and that was very hard because I've always been the one in the family who fixes everything - fix things for my mom and my family, because I was the one who made everyone poor, so I was going to fix it - all my life I've fixed things for other people. It was actually Christian that God used to turn my path around and show me that all God wanted me to do was forgive and let go and see what he would do.

Q: What did you have to forgive?

A: My husband, Barry. It was with his blessing that I wrote about poor choices that he made that put us in a horrific financial situation that he hid from me. The more I began to uncover it, the worse it got. At one point, they were talking about repossessing our house. I was going to have to get Christian out of school. It was a mess, and he didn't seem able to stop.

He finally went off to get some counseling and help, and I tried to fix everything. I met with a financial planner, met with the bank, met with everyone I could meet with, and when Barry came back, he was very changed. He got to understand the roots of why he was doing what he was doing. But inside of me, I had just resurrected the walls I had begun to let down during the years of our marriage. I thought, Sheila, you should have known this. You can't count on anybody but yourself. Save the family here. At least save Christian and yourself.

Then one night, Christian was in bed and we'd done our devotions. I wanted to give him a chance to talk because even though Barry and I had never raised our voices in front of him, he's a very intuitive child. Kids always know what's going on. I said, "Christian, if dad or I could do anything to make your life look better, what would that look like?" I was pretty sure it was going to be about his dad.

But he said, "It's you, Mom."

I said, "What do you mean?"

He said, "I don't want to hurt your feelings."

I said, "You know that I love you and you can say anything."

He said, "You have to forgive Dad. He's done some things that are not good, but you have to forgive him."

After he was asleep, I went for a long walk, two hours into the night. Inside myself, I was saying, "Lord, this is not fair. I didn't do any of this, and I'm going to have to work extra hard to try to fix it." But I literally felt as if I came to a brick wall in the middle of the street, and it was as if Jesus said, "You can't walk any further carrying this burden. You can't go one more step with this." So I got down on my knees in the middle of the street and said "OK. I let go of trying to fix this because I can't. I let go of trying to imagine what tomorrow would be like. And I forgive Barry."

I had this picture: How could I ever stand at the foot of the cross pointing at anybody else over something that is so ridiculous? So I went home and I went to Barry and said, "I forgive you 100 percent." The interesting thing to me is how that freed him up to begin his own healing process. I realized I had put him very much on the defensive. I think I was like a quiet terrorist in the house. I didn't raise my voice, but it was clear you were in a war zone. And that was just gone that day.

So that's why when you've been in a place where you think, not only do I not love you anymore, but I don't respect you, I don't even like you, and God has restored your family, when you have that kind of depth of deliverance, you cannot forget it.

When Christopher went into the sixth grade, we went in and met his teacher, and as we left, Christopher grabbed one of his dad's hands and one of mine and said, "I think this might be one of the best days of my whole life." And I thought how differently it could have been. I'm not saying: This is what God has done for my marriage and what he'll do for you. I'm saying: Let go and see what God will do, because there are certain things that only he can do when you take your hands off.

Q: What do you hope people will get out of your book?

A: My No. 1 prayer is that God is actively in every circumstance of their lives, no matter how bleak it looks. I think one of the greatest ironies of Christianity is that a sealed tomb became an open door. What looks like an end to us, with God may be more than anything we ever imagined it could be, if we'll just take our hands off.