Ransomed From Bulimia's Battlefield

As a non-believer, my life looked great on the outside. I had a terrific job and appeared to have it all together. But inside, I was fighting a terrible battle with a life-zapping monster called bulimia. It was a secret no one could know.

When I was 17, I lost 15 pounds and looked terrific! I received compliments and praise and wanted more. As the pressures of college increased, my bulimia got worse. I was determined to stay thin at any cost, and that included abusing substances like alcohol, cigarettes, diet pills, diuretics, and laxatives.

I barely graduated college and miraculously got a great first job. By day I was Ms. Jekyl, a businesswoman on the move; by night I morphed into Monster Hyde and went into an uncontrollable feeding frenzy. Why would I do this to myself? If I'm thinner, smarter, and prettier, life will be perfect! I became obsessed with my whole body image. I felt shame, self-hatred, and worthlessness because I never felt "perfect."

I tried to heal myself. I read many self-help books suggesting I look within myself, but nothing worked. Sixteen years later, God slowly pulled me out of the battlefield. My story of restoration begins here.

I went to church with a godly friend and felt the pull to a different life. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I discovered that God was calling me into a relationship with Him that required giving Him control over my life. That was hard for me; I was used to being in control. But I wasn't really, because a monster ran my life, and it was totally unmanageable.

I was in the grips of an addiction that rendered me powerless over food and my obsessive behavior, so I admitted defeat. I can't live this way any longer. I want healing, Father.

I prayed for forgiveness because my body houses the Holy Spirit, so I should honor God with my body (1 Cor. 6:19). Then I took action. First, I quit smoking. Second, I devised a healthy food plan around the American Dietetic Association guidelines. And third, I weaned myself off laxatives and pills. Physical restoration began.

I started to focus on Jesus, not 'me'. Instead of concentrating on my problems, I looked to Jesus, and who I am in Him. I began reading the Bible and learned about my heavenly Father. He is good, loving, and wants the very best for me. The power of God's Word started the transformation process of renewing my spirit and mind.

As I prayed for God's strength to work through me, I quite unexpectedly had a desire to take up sewing and crafts. Then it hit me. I don't have the 'urge to purge'. I have hope for a future! I made a unique, life-size cloth doll for my niece's birthday that quaintly resembled her. Friends told me I should sell these dolls; I got the itch and started Auntie Kim Dolls, a home-based business.

My crafts were a means of communication, which enhanced my self-image and interpersonal relationships. I swapped food for dolls because God opened my eyes to the internal gifts He'd created in me.