New on DVD: Remember Me

What do we do with death? And especially when someone's passing is tragic, premature and violent? That's the central question in Remember Me, an intense drama about two families struggling with heartrending losses.

The first tragedy involves an 11-year-old girl and her doting mother. As the pair waits for the subway in Brooklyn, two hoodlums take Mom's purse. And though she surrenders it without a struggle, they take her life, too, gunning her down in front of her daughter. 

Ten years later, Ally has channeled her grief into pursuing a degree in sociology. But her father, Neil, a veteran NYC homicide detective, is a shattered shell, as prone to violent overreaction on the streets as he is hyper-vigilance when it comes to Ally's safety. 

Ally, of course, meets a guy who's anything but safe: Tyler Hawkins, a kindred spirit grappling with his own lingering grief.

"Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant," Tyler recalls his older brother Michael telling him. "But it is very important that you do it." Words to live by. Except that Michael didn't. Six years before, he hanged himself. And Tyler found his body. Regarding Gandhi's quote, Tyler now says, "I tend to agree with the first part."

Beer, cigarettes and anonymous sex numb Tyler's pain as he drifts through college and pens journal entries to his deceased brother. His roommate, a jokester named Aidan, envies the fact that his friend--who sulks about like a latter-day James Dean can apparently have any woman he wants.

But Tyler doesn't really want any of them ... until he meets Ally. As love begins to thaw Tyler's grief-frozen heart, he awakens to the realization that maybe the second part of Gandhi's maxim is true after all. 

Robert Pattinson. 

That's a two-word summary of the buzz leading up to the release of Remember Me. 

For anyone who hasn't tapped into the cultural zeitgeist in the last couple of years, Pattinson is the English actor who's skyrocketed to fame for his role as the vampire Edward Cullen in the Twilight franchise. Given the Beatle-like mania directed toward him by adoring--mostly teen--female fans, his first role since Twilight is stirring up more scrutiny than a film like this probably would have received otherwise. 

And that's a reality we need to grapple with here, because lots of Pattinson's young fans will no doubt line up early to check out the hunky object of their affection in a new role. 

What will they see? 

Significant positive themes revolving around family--especially when it comes to the way dads deal with loss and engage with their children--are at the core of this film. Death is a given, we're reminded, but we don't have to allow tragedy to crush our hearts. Likewise, forgiveness is vital if we hope to traverse life's inevitable disappointments. Every moment, we're told, offers opportunities to do right by those we care about the most. 

Those are good messages. But they're mixed up with a whole lotta content. Because even though this film got a PG-13 rating, it doesn't much feel like one. Its sex scenes may minimize the amount of skin on display, but there's no confusion about what's happening in all that heavy breathing and moaning. Add realistic and disturbing violence, foul language that includes two f-words, Tyler's constant smoking and drinking, and Ally's drunken vomiting. The result is a movie that feels like an R-rated drama. 

Watching, it struck me as possible that Remember Me might actually have been R-rated without Pattinson. Because with no need to try to appeal to swooning Twi-hards, there'd be no need to try to convince the MPAA that a lesser rating was in order.

As I was finishing up the review, my editor handed me this quote from the director: "When I was informed that the project was PG-13, my first reaction was, 'Well, sayonara!'" said Allen Coulter. "I virtually quit at that point. I didn't know that until very late in the game. So my first reaction was, 'Forget it.' Then I was talked off the ledge." Screenwriter Will Fetters added, "It's an R-script. It's an adult-themed story that can be experienced by young people. There's nothing gratuitous. Allen said this before, but hopefully it's some of these young people's first experience with an 'adult' film."

You've read my review. I'll let you decide whether this adult film should be experienced by young people.