New on DVD: Furry Vengeance

Dan Sanders is a teddy bear of a guy.

He may not have liked the idea of moving his family from Chicago to the small town wilds of Oregon, but it was the perfect opportunity to show his real estate development firm--and Mr. Lyman, his overly demanding boss--that he's a team player. Dan figures he's the perfect fit for the situation. He's an eco-friendly fella heading up an eco-friendly building project and getting a good lungful of eco-fresh air in the bargain. Ahhh.

Besides, it's only for a year. His bored teenage son, Tyler, can find a few new friends for a couple of months. And Tammy, his mover and shaker of a wife, can even get a part-time job at the local school. They'll love her there. This'll probably be a great experience for everybody.

Then again ... maybe not.

You see, Dan isn't initially aware of a couple of things. For one, Tammy and Ty are livid at being forced to live out in the middle of nowhere. For another, Lyman's got bigger plans than originally revealed. During a corporate-jet stopover, the boss lays out stage two of his building project. And it's a doozy that'll occupy the next four years of Dan's life. Ulp.

And that's not even the worst of it. A whole lotta forest will have to be razed to make room for Lyman's plan, and it seems that

the forest's animal residents--led by a raccoon with the battle savvy of a four-star general--have found out about it. Now poor Dan has landed at the top of their hit list. 

Teddy bear or not, Dan is the enemy and this is interspecies war!

Furry Vengeance is one of those flicks that's aimed squarely at kids. It's filled with scores of anthropomorphized, CGI-enlivened critters that are preternaturally bright and as soft and cuddly looking as a lineup of Build-A-Bear bunnies. Add in lots of goofy Brendan Fraser pratfalls replete with "help-me-mommy" deadpans and you've got a surefire winner, right? 

Well ...

What looks bulletproof in a story logline doesn't always pan out on the screen. And this eye-rollingly silly pic is Exhibit A. Or at least Exhibit M. "A stupid, mean-spirited little movie that ranks down there with the worst in recent memory. Distant memory, too," rants Bill Goodykoontz in the Arizona Republic. 

Sure, the nibbling squirrels and brainstorming raccoons may look cute, but their attacks on nice guy Dan ... aren't. All the crotch thumps, skunk sprays and clothes-shredding scratches and bites quickly take on the uncomfortable--and unfunny--feeling of something like torture. And it's a slapstick torture that's basted in a steady spray of toilet humor.

"My first response when I read the script was, 'Please, please, tell me I get hit with bird poop,'" actress Angela Kinsey told movieset.com. Though she may have been speaking with tongue planted firmly in cheek, Kinsey definitely got her wish. And everyone else gets to join in on the wish fulfillment in one way or another, too. Especially Dan.

In truth, though, the film wants to do more that drop glop and continually bang away at poor old Danny boy. Produced by activist production house Participant Media, the movie is designed to bang away at an environmental agenda drum, too.

Participant's website describes the Furry action this way: "A band of animals battle the efforts of a real estate developer trying to build a new housing community in a wilderness area and end up teaching him a lesson about the environmental consequences of man's encroachment on nature."

In other words, Dan is battered and tattered until he finally has to limp into the public eye and admit just how evil his job of building houses for humans really is.

Environmental responsibility is one thing. I take no issue with a movie stressing the importance of preserving and protecting nature. But the one-dimensional and heavy-pawed Furry Vengeance doesn't do the environmental cause, young viewers ... or anyone looking for moviegoing pleasure any favors.

Or, as Lisa Schwarzbaum puts it in her Entertainment Weekly review, "I'm not convinced that repeated assaults to the groin, bee stings to the eyes, raccoon pee in the mouth, or skunk stink sprayed head to toe is the way to teach ecological balance."